Lights! Camera!! [aur] .................... Blackout!!!

on Thursday, June 17, 2010

Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are real. Any resemblance to places, persons - living or dead, is purely intentional.

Scene 2 [reality cinema - no takes]: Being in no mood to think creatively; it had to be some brilliant art-work to draw a recluse me even to comment, leave out writing a blog (that demands some sort of passion). It was meant to be just routine "see it, forget it" exercise. Few initial frames, and it's clear - there is more to it than what look on the surface - could be better than ordinary, may be much worse, but definitely not 'run of the mill' Bollywood piece. It took no serious effort on my part to direct my 'not present' heart & mind (lungs, liver or whatever it takes), since I couldn't figure out when I got so deeply immersed into it. Frame after frame it left me jolted; by the time it finished ( or did it, actually?), I feel like one of the characters (off screen, of-course): shredded! Literally awed!! Completely dumb-struck!!! [ may be I don't have correct phrase to put here]. Sleep angels [devils] are no where on the anvil. It is 4:30 in AM.

Scene 1 [plot build-up]: For days now, I've lost my self [again!]; doing nothing; but no time, or mental state, for synthesis optimization or FPGA design, not even for my personal favorite science history, mathematics or popular fiction. FIFA,10 is of no help either, I'm no soccer fan(atic) anyways. Speaking to friends or family can do no good either, don't know what to talk about, rather there is good probability that I'll upset them as well. Just surfing aimlessly through sea of Internet in search of a deserted island where I could bury my head in beach sand and forget everything else. [Don't feel intimidated please. For, those who know me, already know, there is nothing new into it; I constantly and frequently set myself to this 'self-destruction mode' and have survived so-far. Hope the trend continues]. In a desperate attempt, I turn to my favorite collection of Hollywood classics. These are engagingas always but for some reasons, completely unknown to me, the gloom, 'withdrawn mental state' proves to be too much overpowering. As a last resort, I check out for Bollywood 'masala' world. Start with a much hyped, power struck flick and contrary to my expectations [or may be exactly as per my expectations] it was mostly a waste of time, such a waste of money! I've tried everything, no where else to go now, gloomy gets gloomier!
Usually everything (well, almost!) I watch follows a serious and sincere recommendation from a select group of friends who definitely know what they are talking about. So, here I am, with no special recommendation, and definitely not a word about this one. Weird name it has, censor board has already played its 'rightful' role in sensationalizing it and I hate cheap publicity! 'Love, S** aur Dhoka' - LSD!! What could somebody expect from such a title: a cheap mix of bedroom scenes, some utter nonsense exposing songs, and thats it! Its well past 2:00 in the morning, 24 Hr Lipton service is no more in operation, Youth-cafe would definitely be closed at his Hr and there is only a faintest, if any, chance that Library-Nescafe outlet would not be closed. No-one to talk, no-where to go and now, not even a God-damn coffee! Hell with such a life!! I decide, with no choice anyways, to give LSD a try: re-assuring myself - Dibankar 's got some unique talent, an out-of-line director quite unlike other Bollywood bigwigs. A silent hostel room, [of] a desolate early morning campus, [with] a forsaken PG (post-grad) soul in it, and a Bollywood flick with a strange name and bad publicity; you hardly expect anything exciting. Few clicks, some common shortcuts, 2 crushed pillows and an ominously lit laptop screen in a dark room looms large over everything else. Its 3:00 now.

Scene 3: The credits start to roll but I've neither energy, nor willingness, left in me to close the window. Even when the video self-closes itself, I don't seem to get over it. Almost 5:00 it is, I can hear birds chirping, there is no way I'll be able to sleep, even if I try my best. Set for a long circuitous morning walk, with no health benefits in mind, I can see avid joggers, rare breed of Prof's whose mere presence makes you feel small; but today I don't seem to feel anything and end up being indulged in hypothetical conversations, playing part of a movie not shot. Back at room, I start the movie all over again, this time I know all dubious shades of characters even before they reveal themselves; I knew all twists and turns; but still to my surprise every dialog has a different meaning this time. What I felt was just a stupid, unnecessary scene in the first viewing seems to make perfect sense now. This even allows me to beat my regular routine of missing breakfast. Mind is still buzzing with random thoughts ;but full stomach and more than 24 Hrs (even more) of emotional drainage start to take the toll on not-so-healthy body. Eyes close and breathing gets heavier, and I loose sense of time and place. I don't know what time it is.

Scene 4: I must be dreaming, or may be half -awake, when seldom-bolted door of room creaks a little. A dim face peeps slowly and says something, I don't seem to make out exactly but may be it said - "lunch?". I try to open my lips but nothing comes out but just a hiss. No more words, face disappears slowly and door creaks a little again. Dream it must be. Time - Does any such thing even exist?!.

Scene 5: Head feels heavy and body warm, I grope around and pick up my cellphone; with half-closed eyes I try to look at bright screen. Damn! it's past 4:00 in the PM. Mind is blank now, body resists every movement I try to make, I can feel last night's (night?) hangover and a cup of HMT (hand-made-tea) will definitely do some good. Another circuitous walk, a small one by Hostel area and I realize something has changed. Rather more-than-something has changed for sure, something energetic, something fresh. I don't feel bogged up by 'suicidal tendencies'. No more brooding, no more solitude, not for now at least. I send a friendly [not-my-type] sms to friends, they must get to know I'm alive, I'm 'OK'! Does anybody care though, may be some of them do, I know they do. Laptop gets its deserving place [lap] and fingers theirs [typing]. I'm writing - it definitely must be a good time, a very good time it is!!

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Statutory Warning: LSD is no nonsense movie. I won't say you all will like it the way I did. One thing I can guarantee though, you may not have seen such a bold treatment of such taboo, yet real subject(s), and definitely not in such a wonderful and creative manner, uncharacteristic to Bollywood trend. Some words of warning are in place at this time: It's an utterly disturbing movie and a definite no-no for faint-hearted; for it shows the truth, and truth is bitter, truth is ugly. As the title may incorrectly suggest (as I had my apprehensions before) , there is no cheap exposing in the movie. One scene that has been so poorly hyped about doesn't last even for few seconds and it's blurred. I don't understand why, there is nothing in that scene which we don't have access to in our 'popular, creative' prime time; and I'm not even talking about ever-present-on-TV video albums or 'super-star' E. H. movies. This scene is defining moment of a nerve cracking story and you when it happens you feel like crying rather than feeling ashamed of it. I connected straightway to the movie and its characters because I happened to have discussion with a good friend regarding one of the key themes. You, too, are bound to connect to yourself at more than one place(s), for, there is not even a single frame where you would say- this is unreal or dramatic.
If you are wondering: everything is so nice then what is so 'taboo' about the movie: it is the theme, the ugly truth! More importantly the dialogs: totally uninhibited!!. No way acceptable in our 'civilized', 'mannered', 'sophisticated' society. Still, If you have been anywhere in north India ( and I don't have much experience of other parts, so can't say), I'm sure you've come across every such [ugly] sentence often, for sure more than once. Such are our ethics! Pathetic!! What Dibankar has done is, he has just put them on celluloid. Crux is - It's no 'happy-go-lucky', 'all-is-well' movie to please your senses. Its a disturbing art-work, a creative piece that shakes you beyond imagination. I'm no expert on cine-art, but those who are, will appreciate it even more. Not at all a 'family movie', you may not want your parents/elders' company when watching this (facing the real, ugly face of our society) and you MUST NOT allow your children to watch this. I'm telling you, there innocent, uncorrupted minds and soul are not prepared for it (Even though there are no nude scenes!). If you are lucky to have a mature partner though, go ahead and spend some quality time together. You'll have something really creative and of substance to watch, a very rare phenomenon in our film industry.

Since you may not find LSD running on any multiplex (who would dare to show such bitter reality, and for how long), you can get it from moserbaer. While you enjoy this rare art-work, I urgently need to get back to my books: I need them more than they need me. See you later! Love!!

I Do!

on Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A lot has been said before. And it's been said too many times in the past to be enumerated. But today when I happened to get into this perpetual discussion with a close friend, it was my first since this wonderful embarkation to Global Blog voyage; so, here it is - at your disposal, for your judgment!
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My culture, my ethics, my traditions, holy moral-values, unholy sins, my dog better than yours, blah blah blah: Such an enormous list of do's and don'ts, blacks & whites, good-bad-evil; it puzzles me all the time and I feel like a dyslexic kid, unable to understand the complexities of real world! Amongst this mandatory list though, one subject [debate] that touches upon each and every of unwise, corrupted, immature young and wise, cultured, mature sage - is of arranged-vs-love marriage. Let me start with my personal, and not so pleasant, experience.

Each of my recent visits back home, last one barely two days ago, has one phenomenon in common. Someone from the neighborhood, someone worldly smart, someone gravely concerned about my and my family's future, miraculously happens to time his visit with mine, and preaches the noble wisdom - "Such and such young, bright fellow got married recently. Other equally bright fellow is going to tie the holy knot very soon. Look at you, you are on wrong side of 20's, your hair are not as coarse as they used to be. [A strategic pause] There is this girl, a pretty, educated girl from an honorable [wealthy] family; so what do you say?!." What the hell I'm expected to say!. It sounds less of a question and more of a threat. I decide "no reply is best reply". Silence speaks loud; pious, all knowing well-wisher looses his patience and moves on to enlighten some lesser corrrupted soul. Stage one cleared! Later Pitajee would engage in serious late night discussions about politics, education, BBC news, sports.... and then .. "you are mature enough now. If you have 'someone' or you find 'someone', don't shy, let me know." My curious eyes meet those deep, affectionate eyes and Pitajee would clarify - "Traditions are meant for our benefit, society's prosperity and well being; we should regard their meritorious place". Which translates to - I should choose/like/find a girl from my religion, then make sure that she is from my caste, and then further must ensure that our sub-castes (gotras) are not mixed-up. Grace my luck, our modern family doesn't care about wealth[dowry], and we are modern enough not to fall for superstitions and thus I'm relived of extra technical specification-cum-user requirements of kundli-nakhastra-graha match . Whoooof!
On to the same discussion, but among my equally or more educated, upward looking friends, I'm presented to rational and just arguments that illuminate my dark, west-corrupted heart and soul. Most of this all important knowledge comes from girls/females. [What is this thing about girls, I mean why they have to prove on every account that we, boys/men- poor aliens from Mars, are the inferior species. Be it board exams, social cause, emotional quotient - you name it; and now they are 'avatars', 'saviors' of tradition and culture.] Sorry for the emotional outburst, back to the topic: so, my 'culture aware' friends would invariably advocate arranged marriages and back it up with thumping arguments. for instance:
- "our family - our parents, have given us so much, they have made us what we are, they only think of our well being. They are not our enemies. You meet a girl(or a boy) for few weeks and you say you love her (him), what about 'their' love." So there are different quanta's of love and love-balance tilts in 'their' favor . Payback time.
-"our religion, region, cast is instrumental in deciding the right partner, ensures future compatibility". Now I understand the meaning of object oriented programming. Hail C++! Hail Java!! what will happen to a poor functional, structural, modular C coder like me?
-"see what happens to hurried, un-guided love marriages. Compare their success rate, durability index - the litmus test ." Statistics here!. And as the saying goes : stats don't lie.
Most wonderful of these -
-"what do you say about love marriages. Look at our elders: 'my mom and my dad', 'your mom and your dad', 'dads and moms' of 'moms and dads'- recursive definition with no termination! Don't you think they are in love, do you think they made a mistake in marrying each-other?" Impeccable argument this one , what would you say , you won't say that your a product of unloved unison or are you?
Another special, talented bunch of people, more acquainted with social and cultural fabric, challenges you openly, even bluntly.
-"look at ABC, he is an army officer; take the case of XYZ, he cleared IIT/IIM/IAS ( and how about others - DEFs, GHIs and so on.) They all married according to our tradition, they all understand our culture, who are you to ask for a change, a special status, who are you to to question them, you imbecile! Some pseudo intellect you are!! . You are no Brad Pitt that you'll get an Angelina Jolie" - Aaah! This one hurts! A perfect shot! Hits where it hurts the most. Ok, I quit, IAS and officer thing is OK, but why drag Brangelina in this personal vendetta. Reality Check, I'm no Brad Pitt, not even close, so I don't need - sorry, correction - I DON'T DESERVE anything remotely like Angelina .Period.
So, verdict is out- Down Down Love Marriages! Long Live Arranged Marriages!!

Another geeky, cutting-edge trend has erupted to haunt me lately. Wherever you click on social sites, you are bound to encounter these beautiful looking, all cheering, 'all is well' - pictures [pics], many of which remind me of Bollywood epic - "Hum Sath Sath Hain". All my friends, and friends of friends, fast changing their status' at an alarming rate; new albums created and updated every single day - My Marriage, My Honeymoon, My Trip to ----- (fill in the blanks); and there you see snaps that take you back to "Malgudi Days". Here, to all my married friends, and their married friends: I love you all, Yes I do and I mean it (no pun intended here!). You have every right to say that I, an un-wanted, un-eligible, un-married, un-happy, un-successful and many more un-'s, is being jealous. [By the way, there is a single and wonderful word in my native dialect Haraynavi that captures the essence of this long, boring English definition - ran*w**. If you didn't get it, lucky me; if you did, you've every right to make fun of me :-( ]. On an alternative second and [somewhat] serious note, I must observe and admit that the situation is not so grim. Every young, eligible bachelor or bachelorette, now-a-days is given a [fair?] chance to meet/know/select/identify/underline his/her soul-mate; of-course from a well maintained and drafted, parent approved list of bright, eligible, young candidates of opposite sex. Moreover, thanks to Ambani's and Tata's and their prestigious night-time calling rates, there is precariously designed courtship period where the future men & wives get to be 'the love birds' before taking the unavoidable, holy oath.
The holy oath:
"Do you, ____ take 'all our eternal (dogmatic) and (un)wise traditions' to be your (un)lawful companions"
- "I Do!"
"Will you love (dread), respect and honor (impose on other idiots like you) them through your [rotten,doomed] years together, till death do you apart (finally frees you!) "
- I Do!
- I Do! I Do!! I Do!!!


Jagjit Singh Jee in cheerful mood, describing plight of ran*w**'s. Source - www.youtube.com
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This narrative has roots in my(our) day-to-day experiences taken in a lighthearted manner. It's a serious theme though; and a rational, deservedly thoughtful follow-up is due. I've taken some liberty in phrasing my discussions/experiences with family and friends, hope you'll understand. Love you all! Sayonara!!