I Do!

A lot has been said before. And it's been said too many times in the past to be enumerated. But today when I happened to get into this perpetual discussion with a close friend, it was my first since this wonderful embarkation to Global Blog voyage; so, here it is - at your disposal, for your judgment!

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My culture, my ethics, my traditions, holy moral-values, unholy sins, my dog better than yours, blah blah blah: Such an enormous list of do's and don'ts, blacks & whites, good-bad-evil; it puzzles me all the time and I feel like a dyslexic kid, unable to understand the complexities of real world! Amongst this mandatory list though, one subject [debate] that touches upon each and every of unwise, corrupted, immature young and wise, cultured, mature sage - is of arranged-vs-love marriage. Let me start with my personal, and not so pleasant, experience.

Each of my recent visits back home, last one barely two days ago, has one phenomenon in common. Someone from the neighborhood, someone worldly smart, someone gravely concerned about my and my family's future, miraculously happens to time his visit with mine, and preaches the noble wisdom - "Such and such young, bright fellow got married recently. Other equally bright fellow is going to tie the holy knot very soon. Look at you, you are on wrong side of 20's, your hair are not as coarse as they used to be. [A strategic pause] There is this girl, a pretty, educated girl from an honorable [wealthy] family; so what do you say?!." What the hell I'm expected to say!. It sounds less of a question and more of a threat. I decide "no reply is best reply". Silence speaks loud; pious, all knowing well-wisher looses his patience and moves on to enlighten some lesser corrrupted soul. Stage one cleared! Later Pitajee would engage in serious late night discussions about politics, education, BBC news, sports.... and then .. "you are mature enough now. If you have 'someone' or you find 'someone', don't shy, let me know." My curious eyes meet those deep, affectionate eyes and Pitajee would clarify - "Traditions are meant for our benefit, society's prosperity and well being; we should regard their meritorious place". Which translates to - I should choose/like/find a girl from my religion, then make sure that she is from my caste, and then further must ensure that our sub-castes (gotras) are not mixed-up. Grace my luck, our modern family doesn't care about wealth[dowry], and we are modern enough not to fall for superstitions and thus I'm relived of extra technical specification-cum-user requirements of kundli-nakhastra-graha match . Whoooof!

On to the same discussion, but among my equally or more educated, upward looking friends, I'm presented to rational and just arguments that illuminate my dark, west-corrupted heart and soul. Most of this all important knowledge comes from girls/females. [What is this thing about girls, I mean why they have to prove on every account that we, boys/men- poor aliens from Mars, are the inferior species. Be it board exams, social cause, emotional quotient - you name it; and now they are 'avatars', 'saviors' of tradition and culture.] Sorry for the emotional outburst, back to the topic: so, my 'culture aware' friends would invariably advocate arranged marriages and back it up with thumping arguments. for instance:

- "our family - our parents, have given us so much, they have made us what we are, they only think of our well being. They are not our enemies. You meet a girl(or a boy) for few weeks and you say you love her (him), what about 'their' love." So there are different quanta's of love and love-balance tilts in 'their' favor . Payback time.

-"our religion, region, cast is instrumental in deciding the right partner, ensures future compatibility". Now I understand the meaning of object oriented programming. Hail C++! Hail Java!! what will happen to a poor functional, structural, modular C coder like me?

-"see what happens to hurried, un-guided love marriages. Compare their success rate, durability index - the litmus test ." Statistics here!. And as the saying goes : stats don't lie.

Most wonderful of these -

-"what do you say about love marriages. Look at our elders: 'my mom and my dad', 'your mom and your dad', 'dads and moms' of 'moms and dads'- recursive definition with no termination! Don't you think they are in love, do you think they made a mistake in marrying each-other?" Impeccable argument this one , what would you say , you won't say that your a product of unloved unison or are you?

Another special, talented bunch of people, more acquainted with social and cultural fabric, challenges you openly, even bluntly.

-"look at ABC, he is an army officer; take the case of XYZ, he cleared IIT/IIM/IAS ( and how about others - DEFs, GHIs and so on.) They all married according to our tradition, they all understand our culture, who are you to ask for a change, a special status, who are you to to question them, you imbecile! Some pseudo intellect you are!! . You are no Brad Pitt that you'll get an Angelina Jolie" - Aaah! This one hurts! A perfect shot! Hits where it hurts the most. Ok, I quit, IAS and officer thing is OK, but why drag Brangelina in this personal vendetta. Reality Check, I'm no Brad Pitt, not even close, so I don't need - sorry, correction - I DON'T DESERVE anything remotely like Angelina .Period.

So, verdict is out- Down Down Love Marriages! Long Live Arranged Marriages!!

Another geeky, cutting-edge trend has erupted to haunt me lately. Wherever you click on social sites, you are bound to encounter these beautiful looking, all cheering, 'all is well' - pictures [pics], many of which remind me of Bollywood epic - "Hum Sath Sath Hain". All my friends, and friends of friends, fast changing their status' at an alarming rate; new albums created and updated every single day - My Marriage, My Honeymoon, My Trip to ----- (fill in the blanks); and there you see snaps that take you back to "Malgudi Days". Here, to all my married friends, and their married friends: I love you all, Yes I do and I mean it (no pun intended here!). You have every right to say that I, an un-wanted, un-eligible, un-married, un-happy, un-successful and many more un-'s, is being jealous. [By the way, there is a single and wonderful word in my native dialect Haraynavi that captures the essence of this long, boring English definition - ran*w**. If you didn't get it, lucky me; if you did, you've every right to make fun of me :-( ]. On an alternative second and [somewhat] serious note, I must observe and admit that the situation is not so grim. Every young, eligible bachelor or bachelorette, now-a-days is given a [fair?] chance to meet/know/select/identify/underline his/her soul-mate; of-course from a well maintained and drafted, parent approved list of bright, eligible, young candidates of opposite sex. Moreover, thanks to Ambani's and Tata's and their prestigious night-time calling rates, there is precariously designed courtship period where the future men & wives get to be 'the love birds' before taking the unavoidable, holy oath.

The holy oath:

"Do you, ____ take 'all our eternal (dogmatic) and (un)wise traditions' to be your (un)lawful companions"

- "I Do!"

"Will you love (dread), respect and honor (impose on other idiots like you) them through your [rotten,doomed] years together, till death do you apart (finally frees you!) "

- I Do!

- I Do! I Do!! I Do!!!

Jagjit Singh Jee in cheerful mood, describing plight of ran*w**'s. Source - www.youtube.com

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This narrative has roots in my(our) day-to-day experiences taken in a lighthearted manner. It's a serious theme though; and a rational, deservedly thoughtful follow-up is due. I've taken some liberty in phrasing my discussions/experiences with family and friends, hope you'll understand. Love you all! Sayonara!!