Misty Reflections

I think I know "him"! Sulky shared past, entangled tuned-out present and in-separable yet undecided future; still, are "we" friends, or at least are "we" on good enough terms to deal with this undivided destiny. For, how long can you ignore someone- "who" talks to you when you are alone, "who" cries with you when you lose, and jumps with you when you win. How do you ignore "someone", when you meet "him" every-time you look into the mirror! It's my "own-self", we are same for everyone else. As a matter of fact no-one knows that "he" is there, for - "he" is "me" and "I" am "him".

You also must have felt this many times . World that we live in, this 3-D Euclidian world or say Einstien's 4-D space-time model - is not we dream for, but is what "others" chose for us. So many things we want to change, so many events - we wish never have occurred or should have, so many mistakes we want to correct, so many people we want to apologize, so many places we want to be; but---- where is the courage, where is the time (the missing 4th dimension!) . Thats why "he" retorts, "he" tries and fails, for - "I" have my commitments to fulfill: project waits delivery, assignment waits submission, bike waits a repair, boss waits a response; and "I" can't let "them" wait, for- they decide my life, they define my life, wait, "they" ARE "my life"!! All this time, "he" tries to talk to "me", I don't listen, I can't listen. "he" fails and then - he quits.... "he" only speaks, when I'm silent; but silence is a costly affair - blaring horns, ringing phones, beeping reminders, blabbering news channels, talk-shows - ensure that silence becomes a rare commodity. And "he" fails, fails every day, every single damn day. "he" creates a world of "his own", a world that "I" dreamt of; in this world - "he" goes to places "I(we)" wanted to visit, "he" talks to people I (we) really love, but don't even remember, "he" does what I(we) wanted to do so badly. This time I fail!! and I fail big time.

"he" is right, I don't owe my life to this alien world of "mine"- this lifeless, loud, lackluster world, that only talks to me in meetings and meets me on deadlines. I have a better-beautiful world waiting for me, "his" world, "our" world. A world not synchronized with UTC timezone, but running at my-will, full of my dreams, my friends, my family. I make a decision: I'll talk to him, I'll listen to him, I want to apologize, I want to cry and I want to laugh. Where is he?? He is here, he is just opposite to me, looking into my eyes, smiling like a kid, like a saint, like an angel; but hey, it's not him, it's I - who is smiling - I'm looking into his eyes- I'm standing opposite to him - I'm standing opposite a mirror!!

This happened when I decided to appear for GATE.

Happened when I decided to join IIT.

This happens when I talk to my family, my friends.

Happens when I decide to read a book.

When I decide to watch a movie.

When I decide to write a blog! This blog!!

One thing is still the same though, no one sees "him", no one knows "he" is there, for "he" is "me", I'm "him", "we" are "we".

[poster for movie - Finding Neverland]

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I wanted to have this one as my first blog, but couldn't! I saw something, sorry "we" saw something and I reacted -"we" reacted; and "none of us" is repenting the decision. "We" started a journey and if you are reading this, you are already part of it. Thank you!

Hope to see you again!

..................."I" and "me".

PS:

There is so much in popular culture about "I-me-him" subject.

Here is my list, a abridged and 'to the point' list of recommendations for curious and interested audience:

- "Tell Me Your Dreams" - a novel by Sidney Sheldon.

- "Fight Club" - movie that has left so long lasting impression (good-or-bad you decide) on psyche of western world, may be the whole world!

- "Dasvidaniya"- Bollywood movie. My personal favorite amongst this list, as this is not about Multi Personality Disorder(MPD), but about your real priorities, your dreams, your friends, your family.