Why this has to be night always, why always the darkness?
May be the darkness helps me see clear, helps me see how I've lost sense of real world. May be to make me realize that dreams are meant for unlit, un-spoken land of sleep, utterly disjoint from shiny, noisy real world. How long shall I keep pretending, how long shall I fool myself. How long I'll fight to be human among this horde of 'social animals'. I can't sacrifice each relationship on this altar of imaginative Gods. How many do I have to do so anyways. How long before I'll have lost every single of them and then what? Myself maybe?
I know, and know it well. There is definitely something wrong with me. I can't take off my colored glasses, can't hold escaping the realism. Fantasies exist in Hogwart's school of magic, not in an Institution of technology; dreams come alive on realm of Narnia, not on the globe I live. Those are meant to be broken eventually. So did Maradona's. I was celebrating while this brave, legendary human being was trying to console others. He fought though, he fought and he lost. Lost to a worthy winner. Who am I fighting - those who care for me. Yes! How dare they? How dare somebody love me? Just remember - a cursed creature can be pitied but not loved.
I'm sure of one thing now, I just love my miseries, self-inflicted wounds. I simply can't do without my regular dose of 'self-killing' drug. See, I'm not worried though, rather I'm proud, proud of this insanity. This is my hallmark, separates me from rest of the herd.
What a time to celebrate the pain it is - Monsoon Gods are laughing at plight of this atheistic soul. May be they are not laughing, they are crying, slashing the mother nature with their tears, for - even they don't know how to decide it's fate.
And what a way to celebrate it. Playing with eternal emotions, finding solace in another unreal world. Another celluloid story! Living in the story and then writing one of my own!
Question is - how do I end this one or more appropriately how will it end itself?
May be like the synthetic one I just lived :
"Love story thi? [some love story it was?]"
"yes"
"Sad! Very sad!!"
Or may be not; I may not be a story teller, but at least I've found a way to say what I never could. This can't be sad. Being sensitive is not a curse. It makes me feel the pain, but it also makes me live the bliss. Bliss not everyone can boast off, most even don't know if it exists. No, This is not a sad story. This is a story of tears, tears of joy these are!
3 comments:
Your love story won't be sad at all.. beleive me :)
hi arun i don't get u. if u r really in love with someone than go ahead or improving ur literary skills..if u feel that it doesn't qualify as per established social norms and it will give pain to ur dear ones than obviously their will be opposition from family due their interaction with society in their daily life and nobody can think social reforms taking place overnight. such social norms take shape over time and it may be so that such social dogmas, customs and traditions may be no more relevant but they take time to fade and new system replace them but due to failure of our constitutional institutions these are still not giving way for new order. like caste are no more relevant as these were divided as per work and today everybody is free to choose whatever they wish to do but historical injustice to SC, ST can't be forgotten and they are still not at forefront in social development even today because they don't hold any other resources to support to their livelihood and I've first hand experience . whatever national media say about Khap panchayats but because power is corrupt so no poor can think of justice in courts and poor can be fixed easily in such corrupt systems .Only such institutions are able to establish order in society otherwise their will be chaos due to failure of our constitutional institutions. Every society ( world over)have its culture and we simply can't blow it away because it doesn't not fit according to us what is right. i make u clear one thing KHAP PANCHAYATS don't oppose inter caste and inter religion marriages, they only oppose marriage in same gotra and same village and even i do favor this. in pursuit of modernity we can't undermine our culture that unite us as brothers in face of adversity. on inter religion marriage especially a hindu-muslim, society isn't receptive due to lack of trust and historical scars those can't be removed from psyche of people in decades.
Dinesh, I see so much of me in you and vice versa ( Family tree effect, most likely) . Only difference is - you are much more energetic and socially active; may be since the age factor is in your favor :) We both are so much the same and yet so different that even differences make us so alike.
By the way, when it comes to fulfilling the dreams and standing by decisions, 'our' ever-nagging society with its rotten customs, is the last thing I'll care about. As father of our nation said - 'If you want to change the world, be the change yourself'. I sort of believe it and try my best to live it.
As far as this blog and other blogs so far, are concerned, this is just an endeavor to vent out my flooding emotions before they die out while thrilling (or killing) me; at least some my loved ones get to know - you included. I need to clarify one thing here, this blog took the shape while I was watching this movie 'Mithya' by Rajat Kapoor. Once again an off-beat movie ( means I'll definitely love it). More than that this one was a deft blend of noir, romance, comedy & thrill. All this is not really evident from the blog, since I started penning it past 4 & had an important workshop to attend early next morning.
On a more serious note, you've touched upon various issues of paramount importance, and I've so much to voice on each one of them. Right now, I'm too inundated with so much of hanging thoughts to comment on these serious socio-political themes. For sure, I'll raise them with full force anytime soon. Would await your insightful response on each of them. Thanks!
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